“Halo Doktor, ni dot dot dari pejabat . Saya nak buat pendaftaran penuh doktor. Doktor cuti ke?”

“Iyew”

“Esok boleh ke saya jumpa doktor. Oh ye doktor ada ke ambil buku log from department dot dot and dot dot dari saya?”

“Ne ade.. (Srottttttttttt)” snorting

“Masa kecoh-kecoh nak isi borang cpd tu ada x?” She asked again

“tade” a tad irritated already

“Ni buku doktor da takde dalam kotak saya ni!!”

“Dah tu? Saya takde amek pon..”

“Erm,takperla esok jumpa saya pagi2..nnt kita selesaikan”

She hung up. Hellooooooooooooooo..the books were suppose to be in your care. If u misplaced them,beware of my wrath yeah!hell yeah!

But then wow, another 4 months into my housemanship after that I can practise whenever I want in Malaysia. Yeay. I can start earning money .Locum-ing lah. No sane doctors will say no for a steady side income. I want to do weekends weekdays blab la bla. Then I can splurge on Prada,Hermes,Coach and Gucci. Ah I know, its expensive to be me ala the late Anna Nicole Smith. Hehe

Jangan korang harap,urs truly will sport a mengkuang bag anytime soon ye

Enough crapping.

But her (Miss dot dot) call, brought me down the memory lane. Down down down. Down under.

whenever i see u smile...

I first joined HTAN on 20^th of October 2009. I still remember having butterflies in my stomach. Lost my way in the maze of new territory. I remember I went and saw Dr. Ruban in his room. My first department was the Wow-Yeah-Woohoo of a department, the medical department. Lucky those whose first posting were not medical . I hate the tagging period. During this time basically you were the lowest of lowest in the strata. In food chain ,you are the plants. Being eaten . All the time you will be scolded. By the HOD, the MOs, the senior HOs (aha,my senior never scolded me,for that i m thankful but i saw how others being patronized by these so called seniors), the nurses ,even the PPK will scold you.

The first two weeks of tagging, I went back practically post 12 mn. There was a day I went back at 3. Only to come back at 6. So tiring. I remember sleeping in the pantry. A dear staff nurse mix me coffee and give me candies. My senior Ho in the ward will bring blood trolley and help me took all the morning blood. We were told to take blood daily. Even for the IVDU pt. Imagine the danger and risks it pose to us. Till one day,I got to know that for high risk pt unless indicated ,the blood shall only be taken on Monday and Thursday . What the heck were we doing all this while? I was so lucky I have strong support system during my time in Medical. My wardmates are good people. No snitch among us. No ass-kissing, shoe licking individual in my ward. I have a very good MO,who taught me procedures. Who always backed me up. To him,i will be forever thankful. Well,as for the other MO, may God the almighty teach you,your lesson.

i hate yew asskissers!

Life as a House Officer is not a bed of roses. You gotta be tough. Inside and outside. You must pursue this line of work because of your own dream. Your own ambition. If you are still in medical school and you were forced to read medicine my gentle readers you still have the time to back out. Seriously if you don’t have the passion ,being a doctor will not be as to what our parents ‘ and society once painted to us. The job itself is challenging but the people in the line is the real culprit. Being treated harshly in their early years, they expected the new batch of doctors to undergo the same kind of treatment. The same kind of mental tortures they once encountered and endured. The only thing that kept me going during my first posting was the thought that I was the one who wanted to be a doctor and no one else is responsible for my current state of Samsara. I brought this upon myself. I know I can be one its just that I need the training. People will scream at you, telling you are incompetent. You are lacking skills and knowledge. You are not brave enough. You are not confident enough. Basically you are not cut out to be a doctor.­ Imagine being told you are not good 24/7. How will that affect your mental state?

I was always a happy person. I knew that for sure. My mom used to tell me I was plump because I was always laughing. But imagine during my 5^th posting my colleague told me she was afraid to be friend with me (in another department) because I always looked sad. Sigh. Do i look that bad during those days.

To momsies out there, If your son or daughter were being harshly treated. Guide them to perservere. Never ever let them to be a quitter. Gently lead them like how my parents did. They were always there , supporting me. I knew if anyone ever crossed the line, they will take the proper action. But this training as they once told me will toughen me and prepare me for the hardship of being a doctor. A doctor needs this mental strength.

I totally understood why people opted to stopped being in medical line. Some of them are brilliant students during their student heydays. But were unable to cope with the job’s requirement. Who went to see shrinks. Just to help them cope. But this is my honest advice to the juniors and future HOs, if ever you were in a tight spot you feel like this is it. You want to quit. Just so you know,you will enjoy the work later. After you’ve learnt the way,learnt the short cut long cut and every tips there are,trust me. Everything will fall onto its place. You will one day ,thank God,you never quit.

I would like to thank my parents and sisters for the frequent visits and emotional supports. To my fellow HOs who stood by me during the tribulation. To the darling staff nurses who took my QID dengue blood for me. Who put in CVL when I had three to fix during on call time (you are the greatest),who took ABG blood for me when I forgot and kindly pasted the result on the BHT and then reminding me to review and fix venofix for me at night just to let me have uninterrupted one hour sleep. My dear PPKs who made sure I had food to eat. Bought me kueh and snacks. Even the Sinar Jernih cleaners who always returned my nokia phone if i accidentally left it in the toilet or in the pantry or wherever i left it . Because back then i was always in a hurry and usually forgot my phone. The darling ward 3 pharmacist, who will whisper to me all the needed dose during rounds with the HOD. Haha. I had a good team. I was truly blessed.

I am glad I did not quit. I hope you will not too J

Love,In the time of Leptospirosis

NadNad

1148am

BSS